Maori Healing Workshop - Melbourne

Only a matter of days to go until the healing workshop and I am amped to say the least.  I'm in need of  healing myself and also to learn the work myself.  This will be extended into my doula work and helping where I can here in Sydney.  There is nothing available here in Sydney, so its time to make some waves happen and get things started.  Wikitoria Maori Healing is facilitating the workshop in Melbourne on the 13 August and I am privileged to be part of her group.  If ever anyone is in New Zealand, please check out her website and head there to see her.  It will be of great benefit to your body and well being and also a way to experience my culture in a totally holistic environment.

From Hero to Zero

Right of all days to get a stinking back ache, its today!!! I decided this morning to prop myself on to several pillows and snuggle, bad idea because now I'm in annoyance pain.  The unkind dull ache that alerts me to its presence.  Yes BP I know your there so quit it already would you.  So I googled for some possible solutions to ease the annoyance, with some pretty good advice being shared.  First and foremost, prevention is always the key, second with ice packs and several stretches that allow the back to stretch out and release the toxins that have now built up.  Third to lie down with my feet flat and knees bent to take the pressure off my back.  Then last with some ice packs.  I hadn't thought of using ice on an inflammation, its always presumed that heat is applied first and foremost.  Which makes sense considering if the area is inflamed, then you need to cool it.  Ive always had a problem with a pinching nerve that can knock me for six.  I haven't had one of those for a long time and I hope I don't.  This brings me to the attention of strengthening my back, core and stomach muscles or lack there of.  But really shouldn't I knowing that these niggly things affect me so badly, have thought of long term prevention ages ago.  Yes well one would have thought, yet one doesn't learn.  Take it from me, your back is important.  Without its use, you are useless.  I want to look after my back, so am taking the steps I need to strengthen my core to aid me in the long run.  Nice way to spend a Sunday, I certainly went from hero to zero in a matter of hours and it sucks lollies.

My art

I wouldn't say that I am an artist of any sort, but I love things artsy and crafty.  Hands on things keep my mind active and away from dwelling on things un-necessary in my life.  I was recently approached by my darlings cousin to draw up some fashion pictures to get a visual portfolio of her designs and seeing them in this way.  It stirred that passion I had for this work from many years ago and made me realise how much I missed it.  I was excited as I talked to her in great lengths about fabric and the way fabric can be manipulated to fit the body.  Fabric to me is more important than the design of the clothing itself, it can make or break a look and make or break a person.  As a BBW woman I am very conscious of the fabrics that I would not wear on my body, for the fear of revealing too much of what I hate/dislike about my body.  While I can love, I certainly haven't formed a relationship with the BIG me yet.  7 years is a long time to dislike the fat friend within, but in the same sense.  My dressing style hasn't compromised my confidence in any way in the public eye.  So it is with great excitement that I take on this project and give her the full extent of what I have learned and what I know.  I wish her well in this prospect to look outside the box and make the future of her babies a priority in this endeavor.
I have only tonight finished a piece of art that I have been meaning to complete these past 2 years.  I couldn't find the love and they were pushed to bottoms of the box or placed on the shelf with the too hard basket.  But they are finally on the wall (picture coming soon) and I love it just the way it is.  I made a friend with a product called Gesso, I wonder where this stuff has been all my life and where it was when I first started the art piece.  I first started by hand drawing the flax weaves with blue Biro ink, this allowed me to get the right flicks to create the weaved look.  Then I Gessoed the base within the Koru pattern, then re gessoed with tissue paper, which gave me a rough texture (I fell in love at about this point with Gesso) then went to work with the base colour of Aquamarine Acrylic, using the flicking motions also in the acrylic so as to allow the white to show through and to highlight the texture I created.  Then I painted over this with glitter Acrylic which was in a translucent blue and I was done.  My darling thinks I should have outlined it, but I beg to differ.  I didn't want the outline work to over accentuate the paintings in any way.  I want them to be subtle just like me.  Now they are on the wall, I can honestly say that I will be doing more work soon as presents for friends maybe.
The middle frame represents me with the under curve of the koru on my frame, being that of my Twin Angel, the way that she remains in my heart and with me all the time.  The second big frame to the left is that of my darlings, he is my heart which is why he is on the left.  Below him is Alyssa-Rose (our twins earth sister), my son Rereahu (aged 7) and on the other side of me, on the right is Netana my eldest son (aged 15) and Kotiro Marama my eldest daughter (aged 14)  That is us as a family and us as a whole.  They are the air that I breath and the love in my life.
While it may be wrong to show a Koru pattern as disjointed as my art, I feel it is befitting.  Although my darling is not the father to my 3 eldest, they are in every way still part of life.  The gaps are reflective of the space that we have in our lives, which when you look at it as a whole from a distance, it still flows subtly.  There are some noticeable hiccups in my weaving art work, but that's just me.  Will add the photo's as soon as I can.

Trusting yourself

Well this is my second attempt at writing this thanks to something I have no idea about.  But..I know on a number of occasions I have lost trust in myself, my thinking and my body.  Especially when our twin daughter grew her wings as a result of mis-diagnosed HELLP Syndrome.  I felt my untrusting my body let me down and ultimately my daughter lost her life.  Recently I received word that my Dad was in hospital and the outlook wasn't looking positive.  It was a moment that my body went into shock and got scared, I was emotional, angry and even cursed at his photo to fight, hes not a weak man so fight it.  I knew then that yet again I had lost trust in my instinct to know when messages from home were coming.  The flickering lights should have alerted me to this, but no I passed it off as meaning nothing.  My faith in the universe had once again been put on hold and here I was feeling angry and emotional over something that I could help to ease through positive thoughts, prayers and faith.  I sent my prayers, faith and strength to my dad, either whispered through the winds, on a prayer..it didn't matter as I sent it with cause and intent.
I will encourage people to trust in themselves where of course it is possible without compromising anything in terms of health or life.  Trust trust trust is my mantra, I know that I have the ability to do good through trusting my instinct and trusting the whispered words of the universe.  I am not a mere being who has been spat up on this earth.  I am a person who loves to encourage and motivate, who loves to help those who the words of strength, even if nobody is paying attention..at least I have made the effort to hold someone or something in my thought.  Often my needs have been overlooked for more pressing issues and its easy to get caught up in others peoples dramas.  But there comes a time where we have to be kind to ourselves and in turn can show the good deed of that kindness to others.  There are the sucky people in our lives who ultimately thrive on making people feel down and I will have no part in their lives or allow them to take part in mine.  It compromises my beliefs and overall it comproimises me as a mother, partner and friend.  Please make the effort in every way to make someone feel special.  It all comes back to you in the end.

Cooking the love

My OH has a real soft spot for takeaways and it shows on his belly, in fact both of our bellies for that matter.  This week has seen me cook at home for the week, without him even contemplating that there is a takeaway place at arms length across the road from our apartment.  So in order to eliminate the temptation, I have coerced him in to eating home cooked meals, made by his darling.  All ready for him when he gets home from work, either ready to eat or ready to heat.  I know its not that amazing to some, but trust me.  If you knew my OH and his soft spot, its a feat to say the least.  My passion for cooking is coming back after making my way to the surface with depression.  When I say depression, its not the prettiest of things or the kind of conversation made over coffee.  But its a reality in the lives of many people just like you or me.  The depressed me was such a nuisance to be around.  Nothing would get done, so everything except our baby would get neglected.  I'm not talking like the house work etc, I'm meaning the making myself feel happy neglected.  I didn't know how to be happy again.  Luckily when I cook, I like to put my love into it to make it taste nice.  I refuse to let anyone with potentially negative thoughts cook, something I am headstrong about and intending on teaching my children.  The kitchen is where I make all my daily decisions, decide my shopping list and how the rest of my evening will play out.  I think through food and with food.  I like things to look visually appealing, so that it influences the way you feel about food.  I want to feel health through the food I eat and I want to make sure that I know what my family are consuming on a day to day basis.

Welcome

Another one of my blogs that I have started as the "face" of all my other blogs.  I have many different points of view that I have seperated into different blogs, which I would love to have merged as one, but didn't think one blog applied to others. You are more than welcome to click on the links if there is something there for you. If my profile speak is anything to go by, I am a whole lot of me's in one big me. It's similar to the hats we wear as parents to tackle the daily life called parenthood. My views can come off as controversial or even just blah, but I feel that if I don't acknowledge or come to grips with how I am from the mind out, that me from the outside in is a facade. Its important to be as revealing as possible to eliminate the element of surprise, so that the fear of being judged will ultimately lay in the hands of our creator. I'm accepting of all views both right and far left. I will and can only voice from experience or view from a distance of concern, reach out from a place of compassion and hold a person, thought or quote in my heart, in the hope it sings to me to aid my writing. When I write, it's with feeling, pride and empathy. Irrespective of what or who it is that has stirred the feelings. With love, rainbows, rain and wind songs welcome